THAT’S it – I’m going to advertise for new
friends, ones who can give me state-of-the-art advice.
You see, I’ve just discovered that I don’t even
do friendship in the proper, modern way. Apparently it’s now a much more
complicated process than simply meeting someone you like, spending time with
her, and continuing on to enjoy whatever it is you have in common.
Oh, you can try making a new buddy that way, but
it’s certainly not the dernier cri. Of
course, neither is the phrase “the dernier
cri.” I hope my new homies can counsel me on how to speak like I’m half my
age, not twice it. If I want to get fresh playmates, I can’t go around talking
like I was in kindergarten with Maurice Chevalier.
I only heard about the latest trend in
befriending when a San Francisco-based public relations firm sent me a news
release. There, I learned that the relatively new “online community” GirlFriendCircles.com
is the brainchild of an ordained pastor and life coach. For $30 every six
months, membership in this particular club entitles you to post your own
profile on its website and search for platonic female friends with whom you’ll
socialize offline. You’ll also be invited to cafés to meet small groups of
women who are similar to you in terms of age and neighbourhood. So far,
GirlFriendCircles.com has women signed up in six different American cities.
Surely Vancouver can’t be far behind.
Recently, in San Francisco,
GirlFriendCircles.com hosted a sold-out VIP screening of the Sex and the City
sequel, with pre-parties serving up champagne, appetizers and cupcakes. So I
gather that the people you meet through GirlFriendCircles.com are not going to
be your run-of-the-mill gal-pals, the ones you call to watch your sick kid so
you can dash to the pharmacy for Kaopectate. They’re meant to be the
super-girlfriend types so many people envy and admire from Sex and the City,
the kind who travel in small, expensively shod, half-drunken herds.
We appear to be in an era that values quantity,
not quality, in friendships. It seems that getting together with one individual
at a time is seen as pathetic – especially if either of you is wearing
sweatpants. Instead, we’re meant to have a hip, toned, voluble quartet of
friends, preferably named Carrie, Samantha, Miranda and Charlotte.
So what if we have to shop online for this
cohort? That may not mean we have personality disorders – we’re just new in
town, or have lost our sympatico work-mates as a result of getting laid off, or
we’re divorcees who had to relinquish our chums after the breakup. Or maybe we
do have personality disorders. What of it? What’re you lookin’ at?
No matter how lonely and troubled we may be,
while cruising for cronies on the GirlFriendCircles.com website, we might meet intriguing
people like Valerie L. In response to “June’s Sharing Question” on the site -- “What
is one aspect of summer that brings you joy?” – Valerie wrote, “I love being
able to wear sleeveless blouses and shorts!”
I don’t know about you, but if only Valerie L. didn’t
live clear out of reach in Walnut Creek, CA, I’d be itching to schedule a coffeehouse
confab with her and two other women who like to wear shorts. Oh, the
shorts-related shenanigans we’d get up to.
Anyhoo, once you or I have assembled our desired
posse, we will have to work to keep it going. My San Fran PR contacts say we
mustn’t take our chic clique for granted. No worries, as long as we follow
GirlFriendCircles.com’s “5 tips to ensure you maximize your friendships.”
I have to confess that I had been planning to
“maximize” my friendships this summer the way I usually do -- over grilled
meats and alcoholic beverages. But there’s no need for me -- or you -- to
remain ignorant of correct maximizing technique for an instant longer. Feel free
to rip out this column and stash it in your wallet for quick reminders.
I am paraphrasing the news release here, but the
headings are direct quotes.
- Scrub
away Non-Meaningful: Just as we exfoliate to remove dead skin, we must say no
to any invitation that “doesn’t feel relationally fulfilling,” or as if it
might become relationally fulfilling in short order. In other words, we must
turn down requests from people who drain or bore us.
- Tone
with Consistency: Using the gym sporadically won’t give us those abs we crave.
In the same way, socializing with allies only when we feel like it won’t result
in rewarding friendships. Thus, we should schedule our groups to meet for
regular manicures, brunches or happy hours -- or all three at once, remembering
to keep fingernail trimmings clear of the muffin basket.
- Cross-train
for Potential Friends: Counting on one or two women for our “relational needs”
is as idiotic as doing the same exercise over and over and expecting different
results. Never hesitate to troll for more friends (maybe better-dressed ones --
why not?) on a site like www.GirlFriendCircles.com.
- Wax
with Purpose: We must do more than exchange information with other women, we
must “really bond” with them. “So don’t just
ask for movie recommendations, be sure to ask them what they liked about the
movie.” You know, go deep or go home.
- Moisturize
with Hope: In the same way that we might tape a picture to the fridge of a bikini-clad model to inspire ourselves
to diet, we should write out what it would feel like to have a healthy circle
of friends that we know we can count on. (Not recommended: Leaving this note on
the fridge for anybody else to see.)
There we have it – a
constant supply of confreres awaits us online. And we’re now armed with
sufficient savoir faire to find and
keep them. But what about the old-timey friends, the ones we made long ago? Do
we have to maximize them, too, for relational fulfillment?
I guess I’ll ask my new BFFs -- just as soon as
I’ve signed them up.
