North Shore News item: The City and District of North Vancouver are wining and dining executives during the 2010 Games to attract business to the North Shore.
North Van's Wish List
(With apologies to A.A.
Milne., and King John's Christmas)
He had his small-town
ways.
And sometimes no one
spoke of him
For days and days and
days.
Media who came across
him,
When blithely
Whistler-bound
Gave him a
condescending glance,
Their microphones still
in their pants
While North Van did his
“Watch me” dance
Beneath his Lions
crown.
North Van was not a big
burgh,
No powerful friends had
he.
He opened up his
mountain slopes --
No celebs came to ski.
And, every single
winter,
Reservations on his
shelf
For rooms and cars and
eateries
And guided tours of
scenery
Were never for the
bourgeoisie
But only for himself.
North Van was not a big
burgh --
And his most telling
flaw?
He’d never be notorious
For breaking any law.
But this year,
pre-Olympics,
As journalists stood
about,
Discussing Richmond’s
Oval times
And GM Place’s brand
new spine
North Van began to feel
like swine
And tears ran down his
snout.
North Van was not a big
burgh;
He’d lived his life
apart.
But with the big Games
imminent
He wanted a fresh
start.
And so he sent a
message
To well-connected folk;
“TO ALL THE WORLD
BOTH NEAR AND FAR,
EXECUTIVES IN
PARTICULAR,
For 2010 I’ll raise the
bar.
And prove I’m not a
JOKE.
“I’ve got great WiFi
And I’ve got good
brandy
And my weed’s truly stupendous
If you find that handy;
I like foreign business
--
When it bustles
And I WANT an economy,
One that hustles.
And, oh! Power Players,
If you love me at all
Set up a big, new
business near Capilano Mall!”
North Van was not a big
burgh
He sent his message out
And sat there waiting
nervously
Hankering for more
clout.
And for long months he
loitered
Anticipating cheers.
“I think that’s them
a-coming now!”
(He tried hard not to
have a cow.)
“They’ll bring me
fanfare, anyhow --
The first I’ve had in
years.
“Forget about our
WiFi,
Cannabis ain’t dandy,
I’m sure imported
alcohol
Would only make you
randy.
I don’t like traffic
jams
(Full of dangers!)
And crowds just make me
anxious
(All those strangers!)
But, still, Power Players,
if you love me at all,
Set up a big, new
business near Capilano Mall.”
North Van was not a
big burgh.
When February’s snow
Came tumbling down to
cap the peaks
And make the mountains
glow,
And other burghs were
gloating
And mentioning with
glee,
Their brand new
venues, Canada Lines
And infrastructure
valentines
North Van said grimly,
one more time,
“Nothing again for
me!”
“I do have WiFi,
And I do have brandy,
I think any executive
Would find my
homegrown handy;
I love foreign
business --
It has muscle;
And I DO love the
sound of money when it rustles!
And oh, Power Players, if you’d loved me at all,
You’d have set up a
big, new business near Capilano Mall!”
North Van stood by his
window,
And frowned to see
below
A groaning freight
train lumbering past
Sea-buses on the go.
He fantasized while
watching,
Head fuzzy with Zoloft,
Up Lonsdale Avenue,
loaded down
Ten U-Hauls surely Cap
Mall-bound
And on their flanks
the crown of crowns
One sole word:
Microsoft.
It’s not too late, Power
Players,
If you love North Van
at all,
To set up your
Big, new business
Near Capilano
Mall.
